Lord Knows

Now can you promise not to tell nobody that I mighta just lost control?
I smoke, I drink, tryna numb that pain, but it don't work no more
And doctor, can you give me something, something to feel whole?
I'm falling deeper than I ever have before, Lord knows

I been feeling like I'm racing the clock
Minute hand going ham on the face of the watch
Storyline playing but I stray from the plot
As I'm praying that all the medication I popped
And chopped down in lines on the countertop stops
All the voices in my head, I turn 'em down just a notch
The devil on my shoulder, he a fucking chatterbox
Always tryna get me canceled and carried out by the cops
But I'm still here, pack another beer from the twelve-pack
Give a cheers to the years and the setbacks
Never took twelve steps, I confess that
That ain't really in my plan yet, life a chess match
And I'm in it for the long haul with y'all
Keep a queen running gambit, the pawns'll fall
I'm the king stand tall and all and all
I'm on 'til it's all gone or they call the law
Yeah, I smoke, I drink, crush pills on the sink
And I know they judge me but I don't care what y'all think
I'm just tryna make it through life as slow and slipper as a rink
And we all know this shit could end in a blink
I'm just tryna do my best like you, you know?
They told me life was a bitch and it's true, you know?
But no matter what I felt or what hand that I'm dealt
I'ma keep pushing through, you know? Yeah

Now can you promise not to tell nobody that I mighta just lost control?
I smoke, I drink, tryna numb that pain, but it don't work no more
And doctor, can you give me something, something to feel whole?
I'm falling deeper than I ever have before, Lord knows

Let me break, I got my back against the wall
And I feel that weight no matter what, it's all my fault (Lord knows)

A false starts when I got up in a race with
The best to ever do it so I try to keep pace with
Reaching for a makeshift life raft, anxious
Keeping off of opportunity so I can take it
Life is a war, no rules of engagement
People climbing over each other to hit the A-list
Minotaur caught in the mazes
With the woman in the red dress as I'm lost in the Matrix
Had Morpheus give me the red pill
And I crush it down and snort it through a hundred dollar bill
Anything to make me feel
Anything to make the simulation that we living in seem real
'Cause Lord knows, seen highs, but more lows
School of hard knocks, had a full course load
Tryna get right with myself 'fore the door close
Swimming through the gins, merlots and bordeauxs, I'm
So numb that I wish that I felt
All the pain in my brain but it really just melts away
I need something just to live with myself
What the doctor got me, shit it really just helps
For a moment, so those times I cherish and hold it
Learn to deal with it 'cause I never could control it
They judge me, I get it, I'm troubled, I'm reckless
But at least I fucking own it

And if I die before I wake
Don't let them take my soul away
I seen things that no one knows
But this just the life I chose
I said, I swear I been through it all
Them highs, them lows, it's protocol
Yeah, I know where I'm from but where I go
Lord knows

Ooh ooh, oh oh
Let me break, I got my back against the wall (Lord knows)
Oh, whoa
And I feel that weight no matter what, it's all my fault
Lord knows