My whole mood is blown.

I'm tired of thinking so much
Lately that's why I've been drinking so much
Been facing my demons so much
Now they just chill with me
Die on this hill with me
Maybe if I can become what the world
Really wants then I'll get a break
Guess in the meantime I'll focus
On me time and try
Not to dwell on how much that it take
To let all the bullshit roll out for me
Hoping the world can just stop for me
Gimme a second i'm fucking tired of taking
The everyday pain
And contorting it into a lesson
When I'm audacious enough to just
Say what I want
Now I'm too busy blocking my blessings
The standards are doubled and tripled
Quadrupled but somehow I'm crazy
For sitting and stressing (wild)
Guess I'm a brat
Guess I'm a self hating bitch 'cause I love
Being rich but don't wanna be fat
Fuck a description
I'm too busy wishing on stars
Like I wanna be that
A regular woman who walk through the world
With no weight on her back
No pun intended, hell yes, I'm offended
My body don't do shit but rap
I'm not a token or hero for
That, bitch I'm just breathing
Lately I think for a reason
Also I finally get why the
Leaves are all dead
And it's lifeless and dark for a season
Even the world need a rest
Even the world get depressed
Snow really nothing but the rain
In the cold but
We dance in it like it's the best
Gimme the answer, this feel like a test
Nah for real, I don't know
So many places I wanna go
So many people I wanna meet
I'm in my apartment not tryna eat
I just wanna walk on the fucking street
Without thinking 'bout how much I
Weigh I mean just
For a day left the granites up under me
Listen, I get it
My size is embedded in everything that
I produce for you niggas
None of y'all know me
Y'all not fucking homies
I'm tended to just let it
Loose on you niggas not an election
So stop the projections at home I just
Rap in the booth for you niggas
And get out my phone and start
Feeling alone, I got issues
And that is the truth for you niggas
Exclusive for niggas
I ain't in the business of coating
My charm all in sugar
Everyone says if I looked like a ten
Then my problems would end and yeah
Maybe they would've
They would be over, no criticism to shoulder
I could just fucking exist without being
Praised for wearing my face
Bitch, ain't nothing great 'bout
Looking like this
I'm just a girl who's after a dream
No impression on the scene
Wanna fuck with my head
'Cause I wanna be seen
I just wanna be loved if I'll never be lean
But I'm fucking over forgiving
The ones who were
Feign 'cause I know what they mean