My Better Half

You filled the hole that pierced my soul,
I promised that i'd find
Someone willing to take a run,
Round pleasures of my mind
Am I perv?
'Cause every nerv is cravin for your touch
You make me laugh, you're my better half,
Though you weigh twice as much

350 pounds of love
You mustve fell from up above
And killed the townspeople below
You had a crush and you let it show
When i want to pleasure you i need an expedition crew
With all those trips to KFC, you eat out more than me.

We look just like the number 10
When you stand next to me
Is it your stare that pulls me in?
Or just gravity
You mix mayonnaise with your scotch
You're the perfect spouse
Last week we went on a whale watch
The boat drove to your house.

350 pounds of pain
when you exhale al gore goes insane
whenever we make out
i taste jam and sauerkraut
we went on a sailing trip you fell and floated beside the ship
then a boat docked on your pants
and said "i claim this island in the name of france."

then you did what i feared you dissapeared
saying this was something new
lyposuction, breast reduction
and what came home wasnt you

no no no no it wasnt you it was

120 pounds of hate,
and you said, "i look great."
and when the nurse removed the fat,
They found the neighbors cat
i just paused and said to her
i loved you just the way you were
then she smiled and for my sake
said, "pass the cake!"