High Plains Drifter

'Cause I'm the high plains drifter, and I'm the drifter
The high plains drifter, and I'm the drifter
They can't catch me they're never gonna find me
They're never gonna know that I'm the high plains drifter

Pulled over to the river, to take a rest
Pulled out a pair of pliers pulled a bullet out of my chest
Fear and loathing 'cross the country listenin' to my 8-track
I reached behind the seat and snatched a Kool from the pack
I'm long-distance from my girl and I'm talking on my cellular
She said that she was sorry and I said yeah the hell you were
Check the rear view mirror check the gold tooth display
Check out the odometer and I was on my way

'Cause I'm the high plains drifter the best that you can get
A strapped shoplifter a pirate on cassette
Bust a Travis Bickle when I feel that I'm getting pushed
Don't step to me 'cause you could be gettin' mushed

I'm doing a hundred and twenty plowin' over mailboxes
Radar detector to tell me where the cops is
Spend another night at the Motel 6
It's five dollars extra to get the porno flicks
And then I concoct a black and tan in my brandy snifter
I'ma kleptomaniac Kmart shoplifter
Cash flow gettin' low so I had to pull a job
I found a nice place to visit but a better place to rob
I left the car outside and the engine still revving
Takin' care of business at 7-Eleven
I went inside to make my withdrawal
I saw what he had had but I had to take it all
Knucklehead deli tried to gyp me off the price
So I clocked him on the turban with a bag of ice
'Cause I mellow like Jell-O cool like lemonade
I made my get a way and then I thought that I had it made
I feel like Steve McQueen, a Former movie star
Looked in the rear view mirror seen the police car
Ballantine quarts with the puzzle on the cap
I couldn't help to notice I was caught in a speed trap
Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry, on the run from Dirty Harry
Stash the cash in the dash, but my gun I did carry
I'm seeing blue and red flashing deep in the night
I got my alibi straight and I pulled over to the right
The cop knocked on my window and said Boy, where's the fire?
You got a mailbox on your bumper and a bald front tire
"Outta the car longhair," your goose is cooked
Read me my rights fingerprinted and booked

Making like a DT, driving a grand fury
Wherever I hang my hat's my home and my past is kind of blurry
Every dog has his day mine will be in front of a jury
High plains drifter you know that I'm never in a hurry

Read me my rights as if I didn't know this
Threw me in the tank with a drunk called Otis
With his five o'clock shadow he smelled of three day old beer
My man turned to me and said, "Why are you here?"
I said I'm charming I'm dashing I'm rental car bashing
I'm phony-paper passing at Nick's Check and Cashing
I went before the judge he sent my to the Brooklyn house of D
He said, "You behave or we'll throw away the key"
Houdini'd out the cuffs, kicked the screw in the knee
I took the Bailiff's wallet and went straight to OTB
I had a good feeling easy come easy go
I bet on one horse to win and another and so
And sure enough, that nag came in
Brought my ticket to the window and collected my win
And I broke into my new car with a wire coat hanger
Hot wired hot wheeled and, "Suzy is a headbanger"