The Houseplant Song

Once I read a book
And this is what it said
If your music has a beat
Then you're gonna wind up dead

It doesn't really matter if
It's Christian or not
If it's syncopated rhythm
Then your soul is gonna rot

And this book was called
â??Ha! You're gonna burnâ??
And in the second chapter
I went on to learn

Take two houseplants
And put them to the test
Set them both in front of speakers
And let the music do the rest
The first one you play Mozart
Or something lovely like that
The second one you play that
Petra or that MegaDeth
Doesn't really matter
what kind of rock it is

So I took my two houseplants
And I put them to the test
Set them both in front of speakers
To let the music do the rest
I powered up my Pioneers
To let the music roar
But twenty minutes later
Someone's knocking at my door
I opened up the door
And there may neighbor stood
He said, â??Man, I'd like to get
some sleep if you think I couldâ??
I said, â??Man, can't you see here
I've got this moral dilemma that
I got to get clearâ??
He said, â??What kind of moral
dilemma could you have at this
time of night that could make
me so angry that I just want
to fightâ??

So I pointed to the page
In that open book
That had a pictured of a potted
plant, and I said,
â??Go have a lookâ??
And he read

Take two houseplants
And put them to the test
Set them both in front of speakers
And let the music do the rest
The first one you play Mozart
Or something lovely like that
The second one you play that
Petra or that MegaDeth
Doesn't really matter
What kind of rock it is

â??First of all,â?? he said,
â??that's Wagner that you're playing
I've never heard of Petra
And isn't MegaDeth all dead.
And secondly, emphatically,
He asked me, â??What's the sense
Of hanging out with houseplants
when, hey, I live right across the fenceâ??

And I thought to myself
You know, that's a good point

So I took my two houseplants
And I put them both back outside
And me and my neighbor
Well, we went out for a drive
We talked about all the things
That really matter most
Like life and love and happiness
And then the Holy Ghost

And now my two houseplants
They sit out in the sun
As for me and my neighbor
Well our friendship has become
A meaningful relationship
That's headed straight to heaven

But as for now
We like to sit around and listen
To Audio Adrenaline
Cranked to eleven