Paranoia

I got all these thoughts that trap me in my head
Bind me like a snake until I suffocate on all my dread
Poisoning my mind with all the lies until I blame my meds
Up the dosage, turn me to a member of the walking dead
Hear what I said, no I'm not joking but the devil is poking at my mind
Yes I pray to God, but I feel tension coming from inside
Bonafide, insanity, I'm not sure what to see
What to think, what to feel, I think I need a shrink

My thoughts are dangerous, so carnivorous eating at me
Till there nothing left from within
Who will win, I don't know
The thing is, I'm like a bomb ready to blow
And it shows, and I'm scared to reveal all the darkness
Regardless if I need the help for my woes, let's go
I think it's time that we put on a show

There's people that love me I don't even know it
They say that they care, I don't feel like they show it
When I'm leading worship I feel like I blow it
I'm losing my confidence moment by moment
I don't need a reason, you committed treason
The voices are haunting me, saying they're taunting me
What the hells wrong with me, I don't know who to be
I can't decider what's fake or reality

Hold up let's back up now
I'll admit I'm a little embarrassed
That's why I don't wear it upon my face
I just say I'm okay and pretend to relate
While I mentally contemplate the things that your saying
Are they true or are they a lie
Would you care if I suddenly died
Will you be what brings demise
And hey, why do you look so suspicious, malicious, and are you a predator too
Are you plotting to hurt the people that I love, to get a message to come through
Man I'm so confused, and I'm mentally bruised
Because all the nightmares are coming to view
All alone in a room, isolated I feel like I'm doomed
Hey can I pleased be excused

I feel like I'm caged inside my own mind
I feel like the real me I will never find
These people think they know but they don't realize
The struggles that I'm facing make me wanna cry

Too much anger that's built up inside my head
Why am I paranoid and feel they all want me dead
I can't explain it so I'll just crawl into bed
And begin drowning in all my sorrows and dread
Feel like I'm hanging on nothing but a single thread
Maybe I should be locked up for a bit instead
Maybe this whole time by God I've been mislead
Why don't I just fill my skull with a load of lead

I feel it, my skin is peeling, while I'm not longer feeling
Empathy, sympathy, this is my symphony
All my deeds, they all mean nothing to me
While I bleed out the thoughts that brought me to defeat
Oh you thought that was mean

You don't know the thick of it
You don't know all the things I be dreaming, I hear all the screaming
The anxiety feeling that keeps me awake at night
A million thoughts running round in my darkened mind
Will I find inner peace, or is it just too late for me, to rethink
While I sink, deeper into the weeks
While I fall out out sync with my lord
And board up all the doors, with nothing left to live for

I feel like I'm caged inside my own mind
I feel like the real me I will never find
These people think they know but they don't realize
The struggles that I'm facing make me wanna cry

Lately I'm feeling bipolar but thing is I'm not diagnosed
I know mental illnesses are in my family, genetically I was chose
Which makes me worried and makes me concerned
For my future children that will come
Will they struggle the same way
That I do where they're so confused and want to end their life
Because they feel abused, just stop, no
I can't handle the it
I can't deal with all the stress I wanna quit
And I admit I be struggling to get a grip while I slip deeper into the abyss
While I fail to fix all of my problems, I fail to solve them
I fail to cope and communicate all of this hatred toward those who oppose me
Engrossing their negative energy I'm drawing from

I feel like I'm caged inside my own mind
I feel like the real me I will never find
These people think they know but they don't realize
The struggles that I'm facing make me wanna cry

I feel like I'm caged inside my own mind
I feel like the real me I will never find
These people think they know but they don't realize
The struggles that I'm facing make me wanna die

Dear God this is my prayer I hope that gets answered real soon
Forgive me for all of the things that have caused a chasm between us two
I don't mean to be rude, I don't mean to be crude
Lord teach me to love just like you do
Just rid me of all of this darkness
From all of these negative thoughts that keep coming through
I can't take it no more, right down to my core
I feel weight that wasn't in there before
My hearts torn, my spirits sore, this is not the person that I was before
Forgive me plz for right now and for then
Forgive me for the way that my life has been
I pray this in your holy name, that remains still the same, my lord Jesus
Amen