Ghosts on Retinas

What am I waiting for
What do I hope to find
Lying here inside my mind
So much scattered energy
Falling in between
Focusing on how I hurt
Introvert

I search my heart I search my soul
A bust without console
I search the ground I search for more
I just can't find the door
I can't decide I can't control
I lost control
I have no faith I have no goal
I have nothing
Nothing to explore

Paralyzed from the neck up
No twinkle in my eye
And I have no devotion
No chills down my spine
Paralyzed but in slow motion
Like a zombie
I keep on moving round and round
Making sure I can't be found

Panic rising from inside
Adrenaline set in
Still I won't move an inch
The world outside passes me by
With the blinding speed of light
Captured ghosts on retinas
Fading out

I never laugh I never feel
It's hard to conceal
I never hurt I never heal
What is fake, what's for real
I don't believe I believe
I would've never believed
I would never believe again
I don't believe this
Believe me I never would've believed
You'd believe me if I told you how
If I told you how I feel

Paralyzed from the neck up
No twinkle in my eye
And I show no emotion
No tears fall at goodbye
Paralyzed like from some potion
I'm gripped by this stunning notion
A sensation so profound
I cannot make a sound

Apathy spreads fast through me
Like gangrene dark and cold
Life and death entangled
Infection growing sore
We all know the outcome
From that struggle in the past
So what am I waiting for