All I Want for Christmas

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just think that you should know
All the gifts that you bestow
They're all fucking trash
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh
All I want for Christmas –
Is cash!

I don't want no socks for Christmas
All the clothes you choose are vile
Cartoon ties are only worn
By simpletons, and paedophiles
I don't share your taste in music
Why would I like JLS?
I don't want a fucking voucher
What the fuck is BHS?
I don't want to make a scene
Please withhold that tangerine
Save it for the trash
All I want for Christmas –
Is cash!

When I get this shit, then first thing boxing day
I take photos of it, and list it on eBay
I'm not "after thought"
'Cause all your thoughts are awful!
Boxers from my boyfriend might be a cute idea
But from members of my family that's really fucking weird!
I don't want a pair of slippers
Or the matching dressing gown
Raise your hands above your head
Step away from molten brown
I don't want another sweater
I just want to pay the rent
I don't need those chocolate coins
I'll take the cash equivalent
There's no trinket you could choose
There's a chance in hell I'd use
SHOVE IT UP YOUR GASH!
All I want for Christmas –
Is caaaash!