Raven (Live)

[Spoken]
I was in the gym today obviously and
Anyway and In the gym today I met this girl and
She had all these tattoos and they were all kinda like garlands
All up on her arms like this garlands around her beautiful face
And I remarked upon them and then we started chatting
And she said do you have any tattoos Alan and I went well I use to
And she when what do you mean
And I told her the story and I’m going to tell you it now
So about 15 years ago
I met a man as crazy as intense ridiculous passionate explosive
Short Lived affair with this boy it was really really stupid
And when I try to describe how intense and how extraordinary it was to people
I always say I felt like the victim of a chemical attack
That's really what it was like
For example after two weeks of knowing him
We each had each other's names tattooed on each others body
And I thought that was the most sensible thing that I had ever done in our life
I really did yea just after two weeks and four months after that
It was over we kinda repelled at each other
The supernova we were like boom we couldn't be together anymore it was just over
And of course then I had this tattoo left on my body and his name was Raven
And so I kinda had Raven on my groin just there
And all my friends that thought I was really crazy to get this tattoo after just two weeks are absolutely hilarious now saying things like you can add ous and make it ravenous
And you can add C at the beginning and get craven and my favorite actually was this
You can rub a little bit off the end and make it raber for a while that was nice but then
We get back into the dating game again
It got a little bit old because people would be in that vicinity and like
Who is Raven and that really it was time for it to go so
I happen to be in Los Angeles and I was making a film in Los Angeles and
I went to Cedars sign nine medical center and they had this expert
This lazar expert in tattoo removal
He was like Alan it's going to be fine you won’t feel a thing
It won’t leave any marks at all, never know it was there because the type of ink
He use was so hight quality and like I had it done so recently and I was
So i had to go and have it three or four times this procedure
It is horrible because they had to inject you four times around the tattoo
Around your groin boys and girls not nice to freeze it and then
Like did this lazor thing they had a little curtain around it you couldn't
Really see I couldn't really see and you hear these noise like
And I say what’s that noise and they say o that’s the laser excreting the
Ink in your body eww so I had to do that four times and it was really horrible
I got this scabby and it was really painful, it is so much more painful than
Actually getting the tattoo I guess it’s the definition of karma right there ladies and
Gentlemen so and you know it’s absolutely gone now afterwards if we should meet
In a bar somewhere in New York tonight and I was to show you my groin you would
Not know that I had once been marked by this Raven person ah that’s unlikely to happen of course so about a year later I met up with Raven uh back here in New York
Met up from one of those you know let us be friends kinda evening and we chatting
Away and he went like you still have your tattoo hunny he is kind of a cowboy and I went no I had it wrenched from my body by laser you? And he said kinda and he pulled down his pants and um hmm hmm where it use to say Alan it now says balance
Yes it’s true and if I am part of bringing balance to the most balanced people I have ever met in my entire life ladies and gentlemen as Marta Stewart said that’s a good thing