Three Letters

When I was fifteen
My cries for attention were covered with sleeves
I didn't know what it means
To do that and show someone else when it bleeds
Kept my hands tucked in my jeans
I even wore flannels in 90 degrees
But I only wanted to see
If painful distractions would set my brain free
Cuz if every time you had to close something you did it ten times
Would you let time
Get in your head like it's headlines
Saying what the fuck else can't you get right?
Why can't you ever hit deadlines?
Taking forever, forget why
You even wasted whole hours and now you're just hating yourself cuz the next time
You do it all over again and then when you just send lies
To all of your friends and your family 'bout your time management it feels like neck ties
Cutting off all of your air because you just felt lucky today just to get by
But when you look in the mirror it feels like you waved at yourself and you said bye
I miss the old me
I've been so lonely
I can't control these
Thoughts in my head they own me
I miss the old me
I've been so lonely
I can't control these
Thoughts in my head they own me
When I think about an old memory
I wonder why it still gets to me
Thoughts are like "no, we can't let him be"
Wish I could manage emotions more steadily
Do I have OCD?
Wonder what Reddit thinks
Do my friends notice these
Nonsensical tendencies
Think I should go to see
Therapists hoping that they want what's best for me
Some people act two faced
But I've got two brains
One's doing great
But the other one's insane
Don't mean to make you wait
Can we postpone to a new date
Cuz I've gotta do twenty-two takes
Just to leave the house, now I'm too late
When someone asks if you'd weather
Their inner storm with them together
Hope you don't see it as pressure
Cuz your help to them couldn't be measured
I've got old habits holding deep tethers
Momma thinking I was Heath Ledger
Diagnosing me with three letters
Don't know if I'll be better
I miss the old me
I've been so lonely
I can't control these
Thoughts in my head they own me
I miss the old me
I've been so lonely
I can't control these
Thoughts in my head they own me
I was gonna end this after that
But the beat kept going so I had to add
It's a habit that
I can't shake like a crab attack
Force word play cuz they ask for that
Don't want anyone to think that my rap is whack
So I show 'em all my tricks like an acrobat
So they catch this vibe like Ratatat
Also, the studio, is my habitat
Hope I used every rhyme and you laughed at that