am i the villain?

when it's all said and done
i just wanna feel like you don't hate me
but somehow it feels like you do
and i just wanna say i'm sorry
i'm sorry i couldn't get better in time
but now i'm better
and yeah i regret it
but there's not much i can say
i just think every day of what i threw away

and the last time i got this drunk
i thought about killing myself
and i almost did
yeah, i almost did
and i'm not proud of it
but i wear it
like a badge
because without that
i know i wouldn't have come this far

i fixed myself up
i fixed the flat up
and i don't wanna die anymore
and some days worse, but
i don't think they're as bad as before
and yeah i wish that you would come back
and i'm sick of lying about it
and everyone tells me that you're the villain
and i can't help thinking that i'm the villain

am i the villain?