Goodbye

It started all nice and slowly
A solution for dreams
How could it be
The nights that were blank
Turned pitch black
And after that I just couldn't
Stop
Staring at my shaking hands
I take another one
Thinking what I couldn't solve
Just planning to get numb
35 cents the whole bottle in 2 days
Looking at my face in the mirror a disgrace
How could I do this to myself?
Before I used to know myself
Just diving in a big black hole
Calling all my friends
I don't wanna be at home
Lately I've been thinking
I just wanna be alone
Contraditing all my thoughts
And all the words I say
My dad tells me it's alright
You just need to pray
Making myself sure
That I fuck up everyday
Telling to myself
I gotta end it one day
Trying to sober up
But I take another one
If I don't take this one
Then where is the fun?
Calling all my friends
I don't wanna be at home
Lately I've been thinking
I just wanna be alone
Contraditing all my thoughts
And all the words I say
My dad tells me it's alright
You just need to pray
Making myself sure
That I fuck up everyday
Telling to myself
I gotta end it one day
Trying to sober up
But I take another one
If I don't take this one
Then where is the fun?
Popping a pill then I pop another one
One is not enough so I gotta be sure that
I'm seing all blurred up
That I'm speaking slurred up
Even my friends ask me what the fuck is wrong
I can't tell the truth
I just know I don't belong
Hiding in the bathroom
To deny the things I do
How could my favourite pills
Become my worst nightmare?
Why can't I cut myself some slack?
Why can't I be a man and fight back?
Lately I feel like everything's a burnout
Calling all my friends
I don't wanna be at home
Lately I've been thinking
I just wanna be alone
Contraditing all my thoughts
And all the words I say
My dad tells me it's alright
You just need to pray
Making myself sure
That I fuck up everyday
Telling to myself
I gotta end it one day
Trying to sober up
But I take another one
If I don't take this one
Then where is the fun?
Calling all my friends
I don't wanna be at home
Lately I've been thinking
I just wanna be alone
Contraditing all my thoughts
And all the words I say
My dad tells me it's alright
You just need to pray
Making myself sure
That I fuck up everyday
Telling to myself
I gotta end it one day
Trying to sober up
But I take another one
If I don't take this one
Then where is the fun?